halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
