; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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