I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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