I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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