just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
