dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
