I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
