so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
