I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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