Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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