what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
