Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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