You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
