So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
