dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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