I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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