checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
