my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
