you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
