Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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