had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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