Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
