What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
