Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
