just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
