I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
