have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
