So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
