fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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