Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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