I'm passing your future prison.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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