You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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