Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
