Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
