Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
