One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
