Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
