this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
