I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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