i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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