VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
