Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
