Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
