there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
