i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
