I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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