Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
