I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
