i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
