You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
