she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
