the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
